Selfless

I’ve had a couple conversations lately concerning the idea of being selfless. It’s one of those lessons that I think everyone is called to learn. The problem that I’m having, and the reason I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately is that sometimes I go too far with being self-sacrificial. How do you draw the line? It’s obviously much easier to be selfless when it comes to the people that you love. And I’ll be the first to admit that I need to work on it more with the people that I don’t love. That just doesn’t happen as naturally.

My problem is knowing when to say when or even moreso how to be ok with someone else sacrificing for me. It’s much more natural for me to know that I’m the one being put out, and because I love this person, it’s ok with me. And for the most part in my relationships, I don’t feel like I’m walked over because of that sacrifice. I know there are times that it frustrates me because of the trend I’ve created. Because I’m the one who usually goes out of my way, it becomes the norm as opposed to my turn/your turn. I guess all of that goes back to being ok with people being selfless for me. I apparently don’t accept that very well even in the relationships of the people that love me the most. I fall on the side of not even admitting sometimes when I need something because I don’t want to put the other person “out” which is unfair, but not easy to change.

I know how I feel when I’m able to sacrifice something I wanted, or something for me to do something for someone I love. It's a really good feeling and because I’m glad that I can do that, I find myself doing it more and more and never giving the other person(s) the opportunity to do so. How do I stop that trend though? I have a friend who I’ve known a long time, and I realized lately that the only way they know anything going on in my life is for me to provide all the information. We talk a couple times a week and while I know everything going on with them, when it comes to the serious stuff with me, they know very little. Unless I provide it. I’ll take the blame on that because our relationship is one where I always offered everything that’s going on with me. And it’s not that I don’t want to still give that information. It’s just that when juxtaposed with the relationships of the people in my life who DO ask what’s going on with me, I found that those relationships were so much more rewarding. It’s not that I don’t think this person loves me. I know they do. It’s just that I’ve created a trend where I’m the one to always offer. It worries me that this person doesn’t even notice that I’ve stopped offering. And I’d like to say that it’s made a difference on the questions they’re asking about my life. But it hasn’t. Instead I think we talk a little less, and I rely a lot less on being able to tell them the things that are important in my life.

I think I fear that result in my other relationships. I fear that if I don’t sacrifice enough or offer enough of myself, whenever possible even to the extreme, that the relationship will end up being a lot more shallow than I originally thought. So where’s the balance? I don’t know, and what bothers me is I’m not sure how to figure it out. I just know I need to. I've started realizing that I'm damaging otherwise healthy relationships by not letting them serve me too.

Charlie : Candy Mountain

A land of sweets and joy and joyness...

I love absurd things that make me laugh. This video makes me laugh so hard I may have peed just a little.

Just kidding about the pee.
Well, kind of kidding.

“Charlieee, Charlieeeee, Charlieeeeeeee…. We’re on a bridge Charlieeeee.”

A startling discovery

So this morning, while eating my breakfast, I was quite disconcerted to find that my blackberry yogurt didn’t have many blackberries in it. On closer examination I found that it had NO blackberries in it. On even closer examination I found in small print under blackberry the word “flavor”. A-HA! So really the whole idea that maybe somewhere in my yogurt, if I just look hard enough, there will be actual, honest to goodness blackberries, has come to a complete lack of fruition. Ha, fruit, fruition. Clever.

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got. A blog entry about my blackberry-lacking yogurt. Ok, I can’t really just blog about blackberry-lacking yogurt. So in honor of this rainy 2nd day of spring, I’ll do a top 10.


Top 10 Things That Make Me Happy Today for No Reason (in no specific order)
#10. The lightning this morning on my way to work.
#9. The fact that it’s warm enough for flip flops even with the rain
#8. My weekend plans to see my Cincy friends that I just don’t get to see enough
#7. Songs that haunt you for days on end. This week it’s Los Angeles by Peter Bradley Adams.
#6. William. :)

#5. My new haircut that renews my faith in my hair as something that actually can look good.
#4. A possible roadtrip to Atl in the near future to visit one of my very best friends
#3. The fact that I think I’m actually getting over the plague that nearly took away the better part of my spring. Ok not really, b/c spring just started yesterday and the sickness has been there for 2 weeks but it sure felt like it was never going to end.
#2. Bubblegum
#1. A phone call from the CEO of Live Nation Theatrical to personally thank me for my sales on CATS and SPAMALOT.
(just in case you needed a visual for #2.)

PS. If you look closely behind me in the bubblegum picture, you'll see my good taste in music. David Gray and Ellery posters and a magazine with Nickel Creek on the cover above that. Just thought I'd point it out in case you need to check my cred to look up Peter Bradley Adams. That's all.

PSS. in reference to number 5, don't be looking too closely at the above photo for proof. I could talk myself out of number 5 just by looking at this photo and it's my own hair.


PSSS. Blogs two whole days in a row. Shocking. It probably won't last. (Don't get too excited myonlyreaderemily)

Happy Spring!

In honor of the first day of spring, I purchased what any normal summer sandal loving person should do. New flip flops. That’s right new flip flops. I’m obsessed with Havaianas flip-flops. In fact if ever you, the dear reader want to buy me a random present, Havaianas flip flops are the way to go. (And I wear a size 37-38 Brazilian in case you’re taking notes).

In the world of flip flops, none compare to Havaianas. I discovered them 3 years ago when my dear Jennifer and I were vacationing in California. I happened upon them because I’d been on the never ending search for brown flip flops. And I found them, brown with tiny white polka dots in fact. And I fell in love with them. And no flip flop has ever been the same. I’ve decided that it should become my yearly tradition. Last year I bought two pair sometime in the summer. (A white pair and a metallic green pair in case you’re still taking notes.)

This year in honor of spring I bought these.
Exhibit A:



I’m pretty sure that they’re perfect. And if you love flip flops you have to try Havaianas. Seriously. I still have my brown pair from 3 years ago and they’re still the most comfortable flip-flop I own. I will even likely wear them to my own wedding. Well not the brown ones. Probably a new pair. If I get married. Whenever that might happen. Not anytime soon in case you’re still still taking notes. I’ll probably even be crafty with those and add Swarovski crystals which is apparently the trend with Havaianas flip flops.

Exhibit B: (in case you thought I was joking about crystals on flip flops) Although really they won't be in black, b/c if I ever get married I'll be happy about it. I promise. (In case you're still still still taking notes and now considering getting me professional help for my serious obsession with Havaianas flip flops and being unmarried and almost 30.)



So happy spring my dear reader(s). I put the s on there just in case someone besides ems reads this still. :) Go outside, preferably wearing your new Havaianas flip flops, and blow some bubbles. It’s finally spring. *


*If by spring in Indiana I mean 70’ outside today and the possibility of snow next week. **

**I’m just kidding about the snow. Seriously.***



*** And even if it does, I’m still wearing my flip flops.

And the month finally ends….

I hate February. I hate it every year, although some years are worse than others. This one being particularly bad. Is it psychosomatic? Hard to say. I’m sure it has something to do with the seasons. I was told this morning I’m not good with Decembers either, and it came from a reliable source. I guess b/c February was so bad this year I completely forgot about December not being fun either.

Thank God for music. Seriously. This year was Mellow February Volume 3 and I have to say my mixes just get better and better every year. Seriously. I have good taste in music. Just ask me. :) Really though, I don’t know what it is with this month. It’s shorter than all the others, yet still feels like years to me to come to an end. And no dear reader, it’s not b/c Valentine’s Day is packed in the center. I’m not one of those girls. I don’t mind the holiday single or taken as I experienced it this year. Well as much as you can experience a day when you’re snowed in under a good solid foot of snow. Not a lot of celebrating there. Anyway, I hate the month of February. There’s no good reason for it. I just hate it. So there. It’s finally over. But this year it came with a beautiful bonus.

Insert Exhibit A:

That’s right. I was in a car accident this week. Monday to be specific. I was on my way home from work and the traffic was heavy. I was trying to turn into a gas station and the turn lane had stopped to let me through. I looked to see no one coming, and started across only to have a ginormous Dodge Durango fly in front of me. I hit the brakes immediately but still managed to catch her back tire with the driver’s side corner of my car. The woman driving the Durango was a real treat though. "I ain't never been in no accident before. What are you supposed to do?" And I feel I'd be doing a disservice to everyone involved if I didn't mention that she told me at least 3 times that her dinner was ruined and that she was starving. Did I mention she felt the need to show me the bag of KFC that constituted dinner for the evening. Oh and that when I was copying her insurance information she actually stood there and ate a chicken leg. Classy. I found out yesterday I did $2300 of damage. This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if I had rental car insurance included on my plan, yet somehow I’m too cheap and didn’t realize it was the difference of under $2 a month. Way to go Liz. Way to go. So I’m going to be carless for 4ish days next week. I say ish b/c it could be longer if they find more damage once they take the broken pieces off. Oh well, such is life. February can take my $500 deductible and… weeee.

However, today has been a marked difference. First it’s over 50 so I didn’t have to wear a coat to work. And it smelled like spring. I don’t care that it’s rainy and gray, it smelled like spring and felt warm outside. And a bird was singing. I’m sure it was directly to me. Then I get to work and my lovely younger sister had flowers delivered to me, for no reason.

Insert Exhibit B:

The best part is the lemons in the water. Her card said “when life hands you lemons, blah blah blah.” Literally, blah blah blah. That’s Janie for you. They made me smile. I love daisies. And the arrangement is beautiful. Flowers make me so happy. I should really spend the money and buy them more often than I do. Anyway, to make the day even better I reconnected with a friend yesterday I haven’t talked to since high school. (The wonders of myspace). He’s one of the few people that I’ve thought of on numerous occasions since school and wished I knew where he was. We went out for lunch today and he’s still great. It’s funny to see people you haven’t talked to in over 10 years. He’s all grown up, married with a baby now. Which somehow makes me feel older and younger all at the same time. But it was really good to see him and made the day even better.

And it’s Thursday. Which means the never ending week is almost over. Beautiful. Happy March.