Thursday, December 22, 2005

"What if you thought you saw a ghost a hundred times a day?
What if the thing you wanted most was impossible to say?"

Our church production of the Broadway musical Annie was this past weekend. I was surprisingly sad and nostalgic for it to end. I say surprising because usually I’m ready for those big productions to go away. I loved this one though. I loved the people I worked with and I loved my part. I think I’d be perfectly content to play Lilly for a long time. It made sense to me how people can tour and do the same role for such a long period of time. I definitely think a new dress would be in order for that to happen however. WOW! What is it with me and costuming in church productions? I went from a feed sack last year to a muumuu this year… I mean really. In the costumers defense, she took it in over 6 inches and could've taken it in more. I wanted to ask if this was a 1-size fits all for the size 12-24 range...

Today is my last day of work till after the New Year. The vacation will be really good. I’m also taking a new position after the New Year so really there’s only one more day of being the Performance Manager before I move into my new job as Group Sales Manager. I’m really apprehensive and excited all rolled into one not so neat package. With this job comes saying goodbye to someone who has come to mean more to me in the past year and half than most people do in a lifetime. I however am NOT writing about that today. I will say that for the very first time in my long long life of 27 ½ years, that I will have an office. That’s right. My own office. I’m moving up in the world… :)

I seem to be coming down with my typical holiday ailment. Well how about that? I suddenly had no idea that ailness wasn’t a word. Yes, I know that it’s illness and ailment. And not illment, but I thought ailness worked. Spell check says no. Like I said, I’m sick ok. I’m sick. Not as sick as poor Ty, but I definitely seem to be coming down with something. I’m glad to have so much time off work b/c I’ve got friends in town that I don't often get to see from as far west as New Mexico and as far east as NYC. Hard to get a lot further than that.

I guess I’m in a really strange place emotionally. It’s funny how I try to avoid thinking about what I’m actually thinking about. I’m sure that’s part of why I haven’t written anything. When I start, I usually forget that I’m supposed to pretend everything is ok. That is probably an unfair statement to make. No one has once asked me to pretend that everything is ok. And I know that I should be happy. At least mostly. I’m seeing a lot of prayers answered and I know that God is faithful. But if I’m being honest, I’m just really sad. Things are changing in my life. I feel it so much it’s like a fog that I just wish I could brush away from my face. And I know that not all change is bad. At least on some fronts, these changes are necessary, and good. The strange thing is that there are parts of me that I feel changing right along with it. I know that’s only natural. How can it not be? Changes in my life should change me. I just think that a lot of time, I prevent that from being the case. For some reason, I don’t want to anymore. I guess that’s a start.

"I've tried to hide you from my mind and make myself forget.
Please don't try to stay we'll only make what's clean a mess."
~s. watkins

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

To days of inspiration, playing hooky making something out of nothing
The need to express to communicate
To going against the grain, going insane, going mad
To loving tension, no pension, to more than one dimension

To starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension….

My favorite conversation of the day:

Stupid customer: "I was told that BII gift certificates never expire."

Jamie: "Yes, maam that is correct. Our gift certificates never expire."

SC: "I don't understand how that can truly be the case. How can they never expire."

J: "Maam, our policy is that our gift certificates never expire."

SC: "But there's got to be a time when you couldn't use these gift certificates."

J: "Ok, I'll put it this way. If there was a nuclear holocaust, all that would be left in this world would be cockroaches and BII gift certificates."

SC: "WELL! There's no reason for you to be so over-dramatic." *click

Well maam, apparently you didn't quite get it or our wonderful group sales manager would not have had to call in the forces of a nuclear holocaust just to prove a point... I guess she got the idea though.