Dear Sprint,
If you insist on keeping people on hold for hours at a time, you really should perhaps invest in some new hold music. Even some Christmas music for the holiday season. Anything that doesn’t loop in those ridiculously small increments. While you’ve obviously trained your workers to be nothing but completely courteous, I think maybe you missed the part where you teach them how to FIX your problem. Maybe I’m just asking for too much. Oh wait, they do know how to fix your problem. They’ll just reprogram your phone! B/c my phone has only been reprogrammed 3, yes, 3 times now, to absolutely no results. But hey if you want your nice friendly workers to keep suggesting it, that’s just fine. It doesn’t do jack. Speaking of courteous workers, I’d like to personally send a thank you to the nice woman who was also on hold b/c she had to call another help desk (isn’t that counterproductive- help desks requiring help desks?), who kindly asked if she could just call me back. That’d be super lady but this is my only phone. To which she replied “can I call you back on this phone?” To which I calmly replied- how it was still calmly at this point I’m not sure- “THAT’S WHY I’M CALLING YOU!!! I CAN’T USE MY PHONE!!!!!!!!” And of course, I got a surprised sort of “oh, hold please.” Surprised? How can you be surprised? I’ve only explained my problem 50 times.

Maybe you’re trying to make me think that talking on the phone doesn’t get you anywhere so why do you need to do it… I mean, that’s the only explanation I have for making me spend WELL over 10 hours on hold in the last week. (I only wish I was being melodramatic here or even exaggerating a bit, however that’s a low assumption…) Did you hear me say this is my MAIN and ONLY phone line? Yes, that's right, so if something was to happen, they have no way of getting a hold of me. If somebody dies, while i'm on hold with you- I'm holding it over your head.

I’m really not that attached to my phone number. I know your kind worker the other evening said “Now Elizabeth, don’t give up yet- we’re so close…” I’m this close to going postal. This much hold music, and this much “courtesy with no results” is just really really pissing me off. You can actually just keep my number if you’d like. I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure the purpose of advertising a procedure that you SAY will take 3 days, that somehow 8 days later is still not working. At least in those first 3 days, I had my other crappy phone that could make calls. So here- I don’t even want 498.1427 anymore. It’s yours. Do whatever you want with it, b/c if you ask me, I’ll tell you exactly where I’d like you to put it.

Sincerely,
Elizabeth (498.1427 since that’s how you know me, or don’t know since it’s not quite “there” yet) T.


P.S. While I'm not overlooking the 12 hours it took for someone to finally explain things to me, I do appreciate you staffing 1 person in your hundreds of thousands of workers who could explain to me just how this works. However, now that the government is involved (must they be involved in everything?) it's too late to give you back my identity (i.e. 498.1427). Shocker. So now I'll just wait and see, and in the meantime take pictures of my new hot pink and green knee socks that I can show no one b/c while the camera works I can't share the pictures. Oh, and thanks for comping off my activation fee of $36. That equals out to a magnanimous $3 per hour of the 12 I spent on the phone with your incredibly gifted workers and beautifully composed hold music. Really, you shouldn't have.

“Wow, this feels really awkward.”

Why do some people find it necessary to speak the very thing that’s on your mind that you’re trying your hardest to ignore? I had a conversation with a really close friend, or someone who used to be a really close friend. I’ll still say close friend, b/c their importance and significance in my life was great, so even if I was to never speak to him again, I’m different b/c of the friendship we shared. That doesn’t really make it easier though that he mentions that it’s awkward.

I know. I know it feels strange. I know we haven’t had a real phone conversation in months. I know the last time I saw you it was bittersweet b/c I could hear in our voices how different our lives had become. We’re moving in two entirely different directions. You’re planning to move to the city and planning a future with her, and all I want to do is escape to the ocean and a quiet deserted beach house so that I can just think and walk and breathe.

But did I ever tell you that you changed me? Did I ever tell you that your friendship taught me how to think differently? Did I ever tell you that when I think of graduation I’ll always think of making all those stars, and that week before and my kitchen floor, and my porch swing, and tears, and that bittersweet feeling of knowing that things were changing? I think we knew then that eventually things would become awkward. Things would change. But I don’t want you to think that just because things are now awkward, that because we don’t talk or see each other as we used to, that b/c we’re not as connected in each other’s lives, that you’re not still someone I hold very dear. I treasure the friendship we’ve shared. I treasure the things you taught me. I treasure you. So wherever the future takes you, and wherever you end up, “good friends are like stars, you may not always see them, but you know they’re always there…” thanks.