Thursday, December 22, 2005

"What if you thought you saw a ghost a hundred times a day?
What if the thing you wanted most was impossible to say?"

Our church production of the Broadway musical Annie was this past weekend. I was surprisingly sad and nostalgic for it to end. I say surprising because usually I’m ready for those big productions to go away. I loved this one though. I loved the people I worked with and I loved my part. I think I’d be perfectly content to play Lilly for a long time. It made sense to me how people can tour and do the same role for such a long period of time. I definitely think a new dress would be in order for that to happen however. WOW! What is it with me and costuming in church productions? I went from a feed sack last year to a muumuu this year… I mean really. In the costumers defense, she took it in over 6 inches and could've taken it in more. I wanted to ask if this was a 1-size fits all for the size 12-24 range...

Today is my last day of work till after the New Year. The vacation will be really good. I’m also taking a new position after the New Year so really there’s only one more day of being the Performance Manager before I move into my new job as Group Sales Manager. I’m really apprehensive and excited all rolled into one not so neat package. With this job comes saying goodbye to someone who has come to mean more to me in the past year and half than most people do in a lifetime. I however am NOT writing about that today. I will say that for the very first time in my long long life of 27 ½ years, that I will have an office. That’s right. My own office. I’m moving up in the world… :)

I seem to be coming down with my typical holiday ailment. Well how about that? I suddenly had no idea that ailness wasn’t a word. Yes, I know that it’s illness and ailment. And not illment, but I thought ailness worked. Spell check says no. Like I said, I’m sick ok. I’m sick. Not as sick as poor Ty, but I definitely seem to be coming down with something. I’m glad to have so much time off work b/c I’ve got friends in town that I don't often get to see from as far west as New Mexico and as far east as NYC. Hard to get a lot further than that.

I guess I’m in a really strange place emotionally. It’s funny how I try to avoid thinking about what I’m actually thinking about. I’m sure that’s part of why I haven’t written anything. When I start, I usually forget that I’m supposed to pretend everything is ok. That is probably an unfair statement to make. No one has once asked me to pretend that everything is ok. And I know that I should be happy. At least mostly. I’m seeing a lot of prayers answered and I know that God is faithful. But if I’m being honest, I’m just really sad. Things are changing in my life. I feel it so much it’s like a fog that I just wish I could brush away from my face. And I know that not all change is bad. At least on some fronts, these changes are necessary, and good. The strange thing is that there are parts of me that I feel changing right along with it. I know that’s only natural. How can it not be? Changes in my life should change me. I just think that a lot of time, I prevent that from being the case. For some reason, I don’t want to anymore. I guess that’s a start.

"I've tried to hide you from my mind and make myself forget.
Please don't try to stay we'll only make what's clean a mess."
~s. watkins


Blogger ty said...

i thought you looked hot as a blonde in a mumu. :)

11:52 PM  
Blogger Meagan said...

warning: this is going to be a long comment... :-)

* Your church did Annie?!? That is awesome! I would love to do REAL musicals at my church. That might be the perfect blend of my theater life and my New Song life.

* I have an office of my own for the first time now also, but it is "The Church Office", therefore it's never truly my own as waaayyyy too many people feel they can look in drawers, move stuff around, USE MY STAPLER, etc. Yeah, I'm a little anal.

* Your Lily costume was a drapy muumuu? When I did Annie our Lily was like the sexy vampy type, I thought that was standard. I've seen your photos. You could be that. :-) (uhhh, I hope that didn't sound stalker-y...)

* Oregon is a lot farther west than New Mexico.

* Your job sounds so interesting to me. I love hearing about it.

* Sorry this comment is coming a week and a half after you posted this blog. I need to link you in my sidebar, then I will check more often. Yes, I will do that right now.

love meagan

p.s. bummer RENT was so poorly received, huh?

5:51 PM  

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