Thursday, December 04, 2003

“Wow, this feels really awkward.”

Why do some people find it necessary to speak the very thing that’s on your mind that you’re trying your hardest to ignore? I had a conversation with a really close friend, or someone who used to be a really close friend. I’ll still say close friend, b/c their importance and significance in my life was great, so even if I was to never speak to him again, I’m different b/c of the friendship we shared. That doesn’t really make it easier though that he mentions that it’s awkward.

I know. I know it feels strange. I know we haven’t had a real phone conversation in months. I know the last time I saw you it was bittersweet b/c I could hear in our voices how different our lives had become. We’re moving in two entirely different directions. You’re planning to move to the city and planning a future with her, and all I want to do is escape to the ocean and a quiet deserted beach house so that I can just think and walk and breathe.

But did I ever tell you that you changed me? Did I ever tell you that your friendship taught me how to think differently? Did I ever tell you that when I think of graduation I’ll always think of making all those stars, and that week before and my kitchen floor, and my porch swing, and tears, and that bittersweet feeling of knowing that things were changing? I think we knew then that eventually things would become awkward. Things would change. But I don’t want you to think that just because things are now awkward, that because we don’t talk or see each other as we used to, that b/c we’re not as connected in each other’s lives, that you’re not still someone I hold very dear. I treasure the friendship we’ve shared. I treasure the things you taught me. I treasure you. So wherever the future takes you, and wherever you end up, “good friends are like stars, you may not always see them, but you know they’re always there…” thanks.


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