It's not what a man does that determines
whether his work is sacred or secular.
It is why he does it.
The motive is everything.
~a.w. tozer
i've lost a bit of focus as of late. i don't know if it's everything around me or if i've just shifted my gaze enough to start to stumble. either way, it's funny how sometimes it takes a big wave of emotion, regardless of the capacity, to awaken my feelings for God again. i know He uses the people in my life to remind me who He is. lately, a lot of those people have been hurting. and to be honest, lately i've been hurting a bit myself. the reason doesn't really matter. all i know is i've felt some things lately i can honestly say i haven't felt in years. some of those feelings have been welcomed, and others i'd like nothing more than to put them back away behind the door in that closet i try so fervently to keep shut. maybe it's time for some of those things to come out though. maybe i've kept them shut up a little too long. to be honest, there's a part of me that wants nothing more than to keep them shut up for as long as i can. but i guess it's like holding your breath, the longer you do, the more it hurts your head when you finally give it air. some things aren't meant to be contained. some feelings regardless of the end result at least deserve to be put out there. course my way of putting them out there is not by professing them for all the world to see. it's more of admitting they're there, hiding. and maybe someday i'll really let them out. in the meantime though, i've opened up a door to a closet that's been shut tight for a really long time. and i think today that's enough. my motive is everything, regardless the cost.
