“i think about it sometimes. i think we would have been happy, broke, and we'd have the most cluttered closets in America." ~j.c.

I try not to play the what-if game too often. I think that things happen for a reason, good and bad so playing the what-if game discounts what God has planned for my life. And it takes away from the decisions that I’ve made- good or bad that have shaped who I am. Today is my one year anniversary at my job. And it made me think about how I got here and the connections I made to end up where I am. Lisa telling Jason about the church, me ending up there and meeting Ang, going to Florida with her and becoming good friends, Ang coming here and getting me an interview 9 months later… So today I thought about it.

And I asked myself, what if?


What if I’d transferred to CBC like I wanted to my freshman year of college?
What if I had just majored in music regardless of what my parents thought about it?
What if I’d lived with Cynthia and Neetra instead of deciding to live in the CSF house with Michelle?
What if I’d never had that first conversation on the lawn at Dunn Meadow about relationships with Menny?
What if Emily had never been my roommate, and we’d never taken all of those classes together?
What if Id’ never gone to Solid Rock?
What if I’d never gone back out with Jon my senior year?
What if I’d never met Paul or Michael, the two people who have taught me more about worship than I ever thought possible?
What if I’d lost touch with the boys after high school?
What if Christin hadn’t forced me to go to FISH group?
What if I’d never gone to a single worship conference?
What if Jacob could’ve stayed as happy as he was with me that one summer?
What if I’d never seen Nickel Creek live?
What if I had a real relationship with my dad?
What if I’d never had Mr. Day as a choral director?
What if I knew who my husband was going to be?
What if I didn’t have this job?
What if I’d never had that conversation with Shane in Florida?
What if I finished everything I started?
What if I’d never told Sarah she had to face it and go back and talk to him?
What if I’d never worked with Mike, and then met Dan?
What if I hadn’t gone to California with Menny and waited till that exact moment to bring up what I’d wanted to talk to her about for years?
What if Jason hadn’t chaperoned Solid Rock that summer?
What if I’d never met Jamie?
What if Emily and I had gone to that job fair?
What if I’d never written that note to Kelly?
What if it hadn’t thunderstormed that night on the porch?
What if this had been the right time and it had worked out?
What if I didn’t know what love felt like?
What if I had someone who wanted to know the story behind all of these questions just b/c they wanted to know me?

Some things I guess, are better left unknown.

For now anyway.