Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Have you seen my other shoe?

I’ve lost 2 flip-flops. That’s right. 2. You’d think, ok, Liz, 1 pair is not bad. But it’s not 1 pair. It’s ½ of 2 pair. And it’s completely screwed up 2 of my favorite pairs of flip-flops. How did I do that? If you’ve seen my shoe collection, you’d say, well I KNOW how you did that. There’s not a lot of organization involved. But I still don’t understand where 2 shoes could have gone from being put in my closet last fall till now. I’m sure they’re hanging out somewhere with all the socks that no longer have mates. I’m also not sure of how that happens when I’ve got like 10 square feet of living space in the apartment I live in. Where could they all go to? I don’t selectively throw them away or anything. I think that if I was really rich I wouldn’t ever wear the same pair of socks twice. Ok, that’s really frivolous, so maybe I’d just pay someone to match them for me all the time. That way I didn’t have to do that. Maybe I should just start buying really random socks. Those are easy to match, instead of 15 different styles of white and other solid colors. Maybe I should start a sock of the month club. And I could coerce all of my friends into buying me random socks all the time. They don’t have to be nice socks. Just fun ones. I’ll have to research that idea a little further. Let me know if any of you are interested in sending me socks...

I found 4-leaf clovers 8, 9, & 10 the other day. Fun.

I’ve really wanted to go see RENT the last couple of days. We’ve been talking about the movie a lot here at work so I’m sure that’s what has prompted it, but it’s not even touring anywhere right now to make a road trip for. The movie doesn’t come out till November 11. I’m wondering how much they expound on the storyline. I did see that Alison is in it, as well as April. Now I realize that I’m talking about stuff that probably only Ems is going to understand b/c she loves it, and maybe Jenny who was forced to love it by listening to me sing it at the top of my lungs in the shower every day of my world. I used to hear her laugh when I’d knock on the shower wall that separated the bathroom from her room during Light My Candle. I met a girl a couple months ago at a church thing. She was talking about what shows she’d seen after she found out where I worked. Before I could open my mouth and tell her what I like she starts talking about this one that a couple of nuns took her and a friend too. She said she could only remember something about Light My Candle, and I said of course really loudly- “RENT!” and before I could get any of my thoughts on it out she starts talking about how it’s about a bunch of gay people and whores. And I promptly shut my mouth. I think she apparently missed the entire message, but I didn’t think that sitting at a church dinner was the best place to try to explain that to her. Then again, I don’t think the location of where we were really mattered. If she was that opposed to it without even giving it a fair chance, nothing I had to say would’ve made a difference to her. It made me sad though. For her actually, that she had so completely and utterly missed the point. I remember the first time I saw RENT. It was around February ’98 and I took my sister, Janie for her Christmas present. We were way towards the rear of Clowes Hall, but really I don’t think it would’ve mattered where we sat. From the moment the music began, I was so moved that I think I cried through the entire show. Seeing that sort of passion in such a real way changes me every single time. Whether it’s the first time or the 8th time. I wish that some of that passion would bleed over into the church. Not that it’s not there. Don’t get me wrong. I love my church. It’s been an incredible influence to me the last couple of years, and I really hope to stay there and raise my children there. I think I just hate that along with the passion and along with those people who know what it’s about, there’s just so much apathy. I think I would rather someone completely oblivious to the love of Christ, then someone who’s so apathetic about it- their idea of a relationship is to show up every Sunday and smile and pretend that life is great even though on the inside they’re dying. When did it become so scary to be real? Not that it’s always the easiest thing to do. I found myself in a situation recently that forced me to be completely open and completely honest. And it really kind of sucked. I know that I haven’t felt that sort of emotion in a long time, and I’m pretty sure that my reaction to things was something I don’t know I’ve ever even seen in me before. But even though it hurt, I’m thankful for it b/c if nothing else it showed me a side of myself I haven’t seen in a long time. And it brought me closer to Christ than I’ve been in a long time too. It reminds me of this skit we did a year or so ago at the church. It's a song and a monologue interwoven. The lines that keep going through my head are these

"Are you big enough, can I trust you?
I don’t know how to let go, to release when I’m holding so tight.
To jump when I’m scared of mid-air.
Are you gonna catch me?"

I think sometimes when I lose my focus, I forget that it's ok to question. I forget that someone so much bigger than I am is in control. And then I tend to lose myself. Where in the world would I be if He didn't show up at the very moments when I need Him to the most? I don't know. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I guess it doesn’t matter.

This is what happens when I just follow train of thought. Maybe I should’ve just talked about my missing flip-flops and called it a day…


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