Tuesday, April 12, 2005

“You can’t teach somebody to really dance.”
~The Catcher in the Rye

Elphaba walks into the ball and everyone turns and stares at her. She glances around at them pretending not to notice that they’ve all stopped dancing to watch what she’s going to do next. She knows she doesn’t fit in. She knows she’s alone. But she walks down the steps into the crowds of people and starts to dance. It’s a dance that’s completely different from any they’ve ever seen before. So they continue to stare. There’s something incredibly strange, and awkward, and somehow all at the same time beautiful and graceful about her. But she’s still foreign to them. With her green skin, and her odd dress, she doesn’t fit in. Slowly though, Galinda walks up to her and begins mimicking her movements. In the same awkward, graceful manner, she starts to dance with her. And one by one, all of the other people at the dance start to do the same. And suddenly you see an entire group of people modeling their steps after one they don’t understand at all who just wanted to be herself, and just wants people to love her for that.

This scene from Wicked has haunted me for days. It was the first scene in the musical that I think really touched me, yet somehow now seeing it again in my mind it feels different. God uses strange things to teach me sometimes. I guess I don’t listen well in the normal fashion. When do I ever I guess… When I was in high school and just starting to realize how much I loved to sing, I would go into our auditorium with all the lights off save one tiny spot in the center of stage, and I’d stand there for what felt like hours singing the same piece over and over until I felt like I finally had it right. And always I felt the same there. All by myself. But not at all. I think that was one of the first times I ever really felt like I wasn’t alone. Somehow I just know God was with me. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that auditorium for just one more song.

But I know He’s with me now. For a while He showed me how to dance. And it’s different from most people. And it took me a while to be ok with that. And once I learned all those steps, He moved back. Not too far away, but just watching. Lately, I think He’s been showing me some new steps again. And they’re hard to learn. Today I think I’m actually sore. My heart hurts from what He’s revealing in me, and to me. Sometimes I just think it’s easier to dance the same steps I have been. Sometimes I think it’s easier to dance alone. But when I close my eyes, I see Elphaba and I see everyone else and I realize that easier isn’t better.

So for now, I just keep dancing.

I think that makes Him smile.
You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear a sound
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
How You love me.
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
~jared anderson


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