Friday, February 17, 2006

What in the world has come over you?
What in heaven’s name have you done?
Broken the speed at the sound of loneliness
Out there running just to be on the run

-a.lee

“I’m really tired,” she whispers unaware she’s said it aloud.

“I know,” he says.

“I don’t think you do,” she says, with a little more emotion than she cares to show, noticing him for the first time. She doesn’t seem surprised at his presence.

“Why do you think I’m here?” he says.

“Because you’re supposed to be,” she replies.

“No that’s not it at all. There’s a difference in ‘supposed to be’ and wanting to be.”

“Maybe you could explain that to me then because I don’t think I want to talk right now.”

“If I was just supposed to be, I would’ve said something so you noticed me a long time ago. If I was just supposed to be I’d be giving you all sorts of advice you seem to expect me to give. If I was supposed to be here, I’d remind you of what you do have, instead of letting you think about what you don’t. If I was supposed to be here, I’d be telling you how you’re supposed to trust me instead of staying so busy you can’t sleep at night. If I was just supposed to be here, I’d tell you how you think if you run fast enough it won’t catch up.”

“It?”

“Loneliness. You’ve never been good with loneliness.”

“Thanks for the reminder. Besides how can you really say that? Do you know how long I’ve been alone?”

“Not alone. Just lonely. They’re two completely different things. Alone means not having someone to call when you sit on your floor and cry. Alone means not having someone miss you when they move away. Alone means never getting to share who you are with someone who might appreciate it. You’re just lonely.”

“Just? So nice of you to put it that way.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. I’m not making it less than it is. I’m not reducing it to nothing. You're the one who can’t let it be ‘just’. It’s really more simple than you’re making it.”

“Ok, so if I’m just lonely, then how do I fix it? Staying busy doesn’t do it. Finding a new song doesn’t do it. Talking for hours doesn’t do it. Sleeping doesn’t do it. Lying awake doesn’t do it. How do I fix it? If you want to be here, tell me how to fix it.”

“No.”

“NO?!”

“No, because I want to be here, I won’t tell you.”

“How am I supposed to figure it out then?”

“Let me just love you.”

“Just?”

“Yes, just. It’s just enough.”

1 Comments:

Anonymous christin said...

wow
how do you do that
i never cry
you reach into the soul's thoughts! how!

1:27 PM  

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