Wednesday, August 18, 2004

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."
Jack Kerouac, On the Road

This was one of those quotes that when I came across it, stuck in my head almost in a haunting way. I am so blessed with such a strange assortment of relationships in my life, as well as blessed by the people that I’ve been meeting lately. But they have something similar in them all. They all inspire me in some way to be more. It’s strange how it takes so long in our lives to figure out who we really are. You always feel a bit out of place and don’t understand why you’re not a little more this or a little more that. I wasn’t ever someone who wanted to be like everyone else- but I did want to understand why I wasn’t. I know that I think a little differently, I feel a little differently, I experience things differently and I react a little differently. For the longest time I had the hardest time coming to terms with that. But now, it’s almost like I woke up- and I’m suddenly ok with it. I am different. I don’t have the same taste in music as most people- but occasionally I’ll meet someone similar and they seem as surprised as me in finding someone relatable. I don’t come to the same conclusions when I read things that others do, but I developed a friendship with someone who does and now the friendship extends far beyond that. I can have completely different views on the way a life should be lived with someone, and still consider them to be someone who I’ll be inseparable with for life. I can find a connection with someone just b/c of the way that we handle silence, and know that I will never have a day when they won’t be by my side. I think that I great up with a very immature way of viewing the sorts of friendships that I had and would have. I thought it mattered that we relate in the way that we live our lives, that I would understand someone more if they were in the same place as me. I thought I wanted to surround myself with people who were like me. I’m so glad I’ve learned that that is the very last thing I want now in the world. I want people who understand me, not people who are like me. I want people who inspire me to be more- not more like them, not more like someone else. Just more of me. And I want to live my life like the Kerouac quote above- surrounding myself with the mad ones. I think I’m off to a pretty good start. It just took me 26 years to understand exactly what that meant.


Blogger Emily said...

Glad that I can be counted amongst your 'mad' friends. :) There's nothing about you that doesn't inspire me equally, just remember that.

2:30 PM  
Blogger JoeMercury said...

It´s a very interesting way to see life, I will visit time to time.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

You are the one who is inspirational. You are ALWAYS yourself. I find it hard to be myself all the time. Guess I'm not always comfortable in my own skin. Either that, or I'm still not sure who I am yet.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

YOU are the one who is inspirational. Truly. You are ALWAYS yourself, and you inspire me to be myself. Though, I'm not entirely sure who that is. I'm not sure if you would consider me to be "mad." Crazy, maybe. Emotional, irrational...yes. Ok, maybe I'm a bit "mad." :-)

10:11 AM  

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