Thursday, August 12, 2004

I had the strangest morning. One of those where you realize not too far into it, you really should just go back to bed. I woke up a little late, and my car was on empty. But to get gas, I needed to write a check and get cash so I drove to Kroger. I parked and realized I only had my checkbook and no purse which means no license. I hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet, so I just started my car up again and went back home. Picked up my purse that was right beside the door under the jacket I’d considered wearing, and went back to Kroger. I decided that I’d have a lunchable for lunch. All I wanted were some crackers, lunchmeat and cheese. What has happened to lunchables? Explain this to me- I don’t need chicken to dunk, or cold hot dogs, or make your own pizza, or even wraps. I just want some crackers and cheese… so I stood there staring forever before finally deciding, and heading to the front when I discovered that it was partly opened. I’ve lived through purchasing an opened USED jar of Miracle Whip before, and I wasn’t about to relive that, so I took it all the way to the back and exchanged it. I made it to the front, and in a sleep-filled stupor handed the guy my Kroger card. I asked if I could write the check for $20 over and he said sure, 10 for you and $10 for me. And I laughed and said, I’m so tired this morning you can’t say things like that b/c it almost sounds logical so the guy and the girl were getting a kick out of it, b/c hey it’s 8:30 and no one is entertaining I guess at 8:30 in the morning, so he asks for my license, when lo and behold I realize- it’s not with me. It’s in the pocket of my jeans from the other day. So I say of course, I’m going to have to go home and get it- I don’t have it with me when suddenly it hits me and I say “Can I just give you the number off of it?” and he just stares at me and says “Ummm ok.” So I recite my license number and smile as the woman says, WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU KNOW THAT?” and I said, umm, I have no idea. I’ve never recited it before. And the guy says, you don’t see me doing this… I smiled and picked up my lunchable to head out the door. The lady with him smiles and says, come back tomorrow, you’re funny.

Things learned from this:
#1. Apparently most people aren’t entertaining at 8:30 in the morning.
#2. Life has been decidedly complicated by the invention of all of the other lunchables.
#3. It’s frightening to realize you memorize things that you don’t even realize you memorize.
#4. When you think you’ve left your license at home, be sure to look in all the other pockets of your purse. I found it in a different place later in the day, in the very purse that I swore I’d not put it back in. Even at that point, I should’ve just gone back to bed.
#5. When you think you're the only person who has memorized something needless, chances are Pretty knows his too.
#6. And most importantly, if people were nicer to other people, everyone would live much happier lives. Laughing at someone's poor attempt at humor early in the morning, prompted him to do me a favor in return. We should all learn from this.


Blogger Nicole said...

You are so entertaining! I'm glad you enjoyed the concert! I forgot to ask you about that. Can't wait to "BBQ" with you guys this weekend. Good times.

11:56 AM  
Blogger ty said...

you make me laugh so much. and i cracked up that jason had his license memorized, too. not surprised. i had my KY one memorized but it was a lot shorter than my IN license, which i haven't even bothered with trying.

have you seen all those commercials for debit cards? you should try one. haha! just kidding.

i love lunchables. and i'm really hungry right now so it's making me angst.

1:36 PM  
Blogger alisa beth said...

Hello there. I found your blog by typing into google "I wonder if we're ever gonna get home tonight." Your site popped up and voila, it had the lyrics to the very Patty Griffin song I was searching for. However, I have NO idea where your post with those lyrics are...but I decided to read a few of your posts and had to comment, because you are entertaining! (As for the Patty Griffin song, I just discovered her last night and am listening to a song of hers I burned onto a CD, but I don't know the name of it.)

Anyhow, I used to teach the first grade (I currently am teaching 9-10 grades) and was dumbfounded at how lunchables had changed since I was a first grader bringing my lunch to school. I actually don't even think they had lunchables when I was in first grade. I hear you though, who needs dunking chicken or sponebob cookies that you decorate or pizza with purple sauce that gets everywhere and stains your school uniforms?

12:49 PM  

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