Thursday, January 22, 2004

“Let a smile be your umbrella.” ~Twin Peaks

I had a dream last night about someone. I don’t know who he is, but I just remember laughing with him and knowing that there was something different there. I woke up with this terrible sense of longing. It’s lingered a bit throughout the day. I just can’t seem to shake it. It’s amazing how vivid dreams can be, and the emotions they invoke even when they’re based on a wish, or a passing thought, or even something subconscious that you haven’t yet even accepted yourself. Then again, there are moments in life- when even though I know they are completely and totally real, you feel as if it was a dream.

I remember watching the sky with him and talking till dawn behind the old torn up shed. Praying aloud that the clouds would clear just for us. And feeling great peace, and a smile wash over my face as the clouds parted above our heads at that very moment. I remember loving him. I think sometimes I’ve forgotten what that feels like. Then I have a dream, or I see something and for a moment, even a brief one, the feeling is there again. I think the best parts of love are like those dreams that constantly leave you longing for more of this person, more of their voice, more of their laugh, more of their touch, more of their silence. I pray for that. Not for the him that I’m reminded of, but for the him I don’t yet know. I pray I will though. And some days, along with a lingering longing, that’s enough.


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